Fill the bucket.
There is a successful children’s book written by Carol McCloud called “Have You Filled a Bucket Today?” that teaches children through the imagery of an invisible bucket to share kindness with others so that their bucket’s might be filled. The book is worth a read even if you are only a “kid at heart”! I am going to expand the bucket metaphor to how we run the risk of allowing our own buckets to run empty, which may leave us feeling burnt out or feeling what we [therapists] call “compassion fatigue.”
Let’s start with a question.
How can you hope to keep your bucket full when you aren’t aware that it’s leaking?
I get a unique privilege as a therapist to tap into hope that clients may have forgotten was within them. It is no surprise that what I am hearing most right now is centered around exhaustion. Walking with a friend the other day, we were discussing all things work - as we do with our friends. This conversation felt different though. There were little moments that had me wondering, “Is their bucket leaking?” As I listened, they shared everything they were ready to cut out of their life - and not in a “healthy boundary” way - I was hearing exhaustion leading to burnout leading to compassion fatigue - leading to withdraw and isolation. Yeah, I think this bucket is leaking. They were ready to cut out things that previously brought them joy, brought them moments of connection, and community - and understandably so - we have probably all felt this way!
So, what leads us to having a leaking bucket? And, what’s leaking out? Does it matter?
Our leaks are usually gradual - they start small and unnoticeable - then expand as the water continues to pour out. What I mean by that is these pinholes are usually your quick responses to stress that cannot produce long-term security. It’s the “only one time” you stay up until the early hours of the morning on that deadline that soon becomes a nightly ritual of expectation that you have set for yourself - then feel guilty when you step away from work. It’s the one email that so-and-so should really respond to, but, “Well, I am here” - then suddenly you are fielding all communications. These are just immediate examples but once you pile on disorganization (whether personal or company-wide) and interpersonal conflict with colleagues and your personal relationships and it won’t be long before you start to feel the symptoms of workplace stress! A recent Gallup poll reported that 57% of U.S. workers reported feeling stress on a daily basis - up 8% from the year prior! Finding a job that isn’t stressful is going to be hard to come by - navigating the pandemic, increasing political divides, increased workloads, etc. Ignoring how stress is eating away at your buckets can have significant impacts on your immediate and long-term wellbeing!
What’s at risk?
In short - your opportunity to live your best human life. The long-term effects of chronic work-related stressors causes joy to deplete and burnout to set in. An important step is to listen to your body! Some physical signs your body might be trying to tell you there is a leak include feeling tired and drained; headaches and muscle pain; change in sleeping habits or appetite, and lowered immunity (which during a pandemic - we do not need!). Emotionally, you may start to notice feelings of failure or more self-doubt, feelings of defeat or helplessness, loss of motivation, increasing cynicism, decreased satisfaction, and detachment from the world. Other behavioral signs might include withdrawing from responsibilities, isolation, procrastination, using food or substances to cope, projecting, or avoiding/reducing time at work.
Let’s Start the Repair Work
Acknowledgement is not enough. Now we need to do the work to reverse the depletion we’ve experienced.
*Disclaimer - it took awhile for the water to drain. It will take awhile for the holes to be patched and the bucket to fill up! You may spill some water, a hole may rupture again - that is okay! You are doing good work!
Make Connection: You are not a burden friend - and those around you do not feel you are either. In fact, by reaching out, it may create opportunities for them to share with you as well - releasing feelings they may have been similarly scared to share.
Define, Set, and Enforce Boundaries: Boundaries are not selfish - they are selfless and essential. Healthy boundaries can create connection and increase our sense of belonging!
Ten Joys: I first did this exercise at a Solution-Focused Therapy conference and I have since incorporated it into practice and presentations. Write down ten things that bring you joy. Do not think too hard about this list - just write. Some from my list, “The smell of fresh cut grass. The sound of music. An afternoon nap.” You might be surprised what does (and does not) make the list.
