Is this love or just social media talking?

Apr 10

Social media often reduces relationships to simple rules and trends, but love and connection are far more complex.

From where I am sitting, social media continues to try to define what love is supposed to look like.

Last night, I came across a reel on Instagram that said, “You can tell if a couple is actually in love by how much they talk about moving. Couples that are very in love talk about moving all the time. They are not actually going to move, but they talk about it…”

I rolled my eyes at that.

You cannot tell if a couple is actually in love based on whether they talk about moving. That is an incredibly reductionistic statement, and it creates unnecessary pressure for couples to perform a version of love that fits someone else’s narrative.

What do you mean you can tell?

You cannot tell.

Some of the most seemingly fine couples are only connected on a surface level. They go on trips, they post photos, they talk about big dreams, and they look perfect from the outside. At the same time, there are couples who never talk about moving, never make grand plans, and still share deep connection, trust, and love in ways that are quiet and steady.

You cannot tell.

Only that couple can tell.

From where I am sitting, the danger of content like this is not just that it is incorrect. It subtly tells couples that love must look a certain way, and if it does not, something must be wrong.

Dear couples, you do not have to pressure yourselves into becoming what the internet needs you to be.

You do not have to dream about moving to prove you are in love.
You do not have to talk about buying land, traveling the world, or relocating to some far away place to validate your connection.

You do not have to perform grand romantic narratives for your relationship to be meaningful.

If you and your partner love dreaming about what you are going to plant in your garden next year, you may be okay.
If you love talking about what your next weekend together looks like, you may be okay.
If you are focused on paying bills, raising kids, caring for family, or simply building a stable life together, you may be more than okay.

Love does not have one language.

The social world will continue to suggest that there is a standard for what love looks like, what healthy relationships look like, and what couples in love talk about. But from where I am sitting, that standard is often built on entertainment, not reality.

And couples deserve better than that.

Why this matters.

This matters because couples are already under enough pressure.

Relationships require communication, patience, conflict resolution, vulnerability, and emotional safety. When social media adds another layer of judgment, it can create anxiety and self doubt where none needs to exist.

Couples begin to ask themselves questions like:

Are we doing enough?
Are we talking about the right things?
Are we in love the way other couples are in love?
Are we missing something?

These questions are often rooted in comparison rather than reality.

When couples start measuring their relationship against social media trends, they risk losing sight of what actually matters: connection, trust, respect, and shared meaning. Instead of focusing on how they feel with each other, they begin focusing on how their relationship looks from the outside.

This shift can create unnecessary stress and insecurity. It can make stable and healthy relationships feel inadequate simply because they do not fit into a viral narrative.

From where I am sitting, the most important truth is this: relationships are defined by the people in them, not by the internet.

No reel, post, or influencer gets to determine whether your relationship is loving, healthy, or meaningful.

Only you and your partner can answer that.

Clinical perspective.

From a clinical perspective, this type of social media advice reflects a broader trend of oversimplifying complex relational dynamics.

Healthy relationships are built on multiple dimensions of connection, including emotional intimacy, communication, shared values, attachment security, conflict resolution, and mutual support. None of these can be measured by a single behavior like talking about moving.

In fact, couples express love and connection in many different ways. Some couples dream big and talk about future possibilities, while others focus on daily routines and shared responsibilities. Some express love through planning and future orientation, while others express love through stability, consistency, and presence.

Attachment theory helps explain this variability. Couples with secure attachment often feel safe discussing future plans, but they may also feel equally safe focusing on present day life. Couples with anxious or avoidant attachment may talk about future plans frequently as a way to manage insecurity or uncertainty. In other words, talking about moving does not necessarily indicate love; it may reflect many different emotional processes.

Research in relationship science consistently shows that relationship satisfaction is more closely tied to emotional responsiveness, communication quality, and mutual support than to specific topics of conversation. What matters is how partners show up for each other, not what they dream about.

This is why therapists encourage couples to define their own relationship values and goals. Healthy relationships are not built by copying external standards; they are built by understanding what works for the individuals in the partnership.

The goal is not to perform love; the goal is to experience love in ways that feel authentic and supportive.

Tools for Couples Navigating Social Media Pressure

1. Define Love on Your Own Terms

Sit down with your partner and talk about what love looks like for you. What makes you feel connected, safe, and supported in the relationship?

2. Limit Comparison to Social Media

Remember that social media shows curated moments, not the full reality of relationships. Avoid using online trends as a measuring stick for your connection.

3. Focus on Daily Connection

Love is often found in small, consistent moments. Checking in, sharing meals, supporting each other, and spending quality time together matter more than grand plans.

4. Communicate Openly About Expectations

If social media content creates pressure or insecurity, talk about it with your partner. Honest conversations reduce anxiety and build understanding.

5. Create Shared Meaning

Whether it is planning a garden, building a home, raising a family, or traveling together, shared goals strengthen relationships. The specific goal matters less than the connection behind it.

6. Seek Support When Needed

If you and your partner feel disconnected or unsure about your relationship, couples therapy can provide a space to explore concerns, strengthen communication, and build deeper connection.

Closing Reflection

From where I am sitting, couples deserve the freedom to define love for themselves.

You do not need to talk about moving to prove you are in love.
You do not need to fit into a social media narrative to validate your relationship.
You do not need to perform romance in ways that feel unnatural or forced.

If you and your partner feel connected, supported, and understood, you may be doing just fine.

The social world will continue to remind couples that there is a basis for judgment, but that judgment is not reality. Love is not measured by trends or reels. It is measured by connection, care, and the everyday ways partners show up for each other.

And if you ever feel like your relationship could benefit from additional support, guidance, or space to grow, that support is available.

You do not have to navigate it alone.